This week, Michael started Pre-K, and what a week it has been. Michael seems to be adjusting great to being at school full-time and all the changes in environments that entail that. I, on the other hand, am not sure how I am handling this adjustment. 

Before the school year started, I was determined to go back to work. Whether it be a full-time position or part-time with substitute teaching. I felt confident enough that one of these opportunities would work out, and I could throw myself into work. Surprisingly, neither even got far enough to go to an interview before they were filled by others. With less than 6 months until our next move, I decided to take the opportunity to use these few months to re-evaluate what I want to do after we move. Do I want to try again to work? Try new volunteer opportunities? Or have I gotten a strong routine that I feel like I am thriving in at that point? Truthfully, I am unsure of my next move.

The last few days have felt like a whirlwind of emotions. I miss Michael and am struggling with what to do with myself now that I am not in full-time Mom mode all day. I am thankful to have the chance to focus on myself for several hours of the day. It allows me the opportunity to take care of myself, accomplish tasks around the house, and anything else I need or want to do. By the time it is time to pick up Michael, I have accomplished what I needed for the day and feel that I can spend the evening focused on quality time. Despite feeling an internal battle due to a lack of self-identity. I do feel grateful to be able to be in the moment completely when it is family time.

Since Michael was born, I have centered my days around him. While I did always make sure to carve out moments for myself throughout the day, I took my role of Mom very seriously and have lost a bit of my own self along the way. I don't regret the approach I took at all.

This week, I took my husband's advice and threw myself into working out a few times while Michael is in school. I laughed at his idea of me getting into bodybuilding, but I do think there is some excitement on my end to work out more. I have pushed myself this week a lot, as far as exercise goes. Today, I stopped making excuses for why I need to wait for the right time to start running and just went for it. It was the best feeling. It was hard, I felt like I couldn't do it because I hadn't run in months, despite the feeling of hard; I pushed through and did it! I didn't care, I had to go in intervals to keep myself from stopping completely. I didn't care that I was drenched in sweat. I didn't care that others saw. Pushing myself to do something that was hard felt good. It helped emphasize that I can do hard things.

Life feels a little overwhelming right now. Between getting adjusted to Michael being in school full-time, a dramatic change in my husband's schedule soon, and an upcoming move, life feels wild. The truth is, it will feel hectic the next few months, and there will be a lot of adjustments. Today, I was reminded of the importance of feeling those feelings instead of ignoring them. Today I feel overwhelmed with the week we've had, but I also feel proud. Despite a big week of change, I have pushed myself to better myself, even if it only feels like a small step. Any progress forward is progress. My husband reminds me frequently of that, and I am truly thankful for his love and support. It is easy at times not to want to take suggestions of trying something new when things feel hard. I am grateful for my husband and his advice during these times because it has motivated me to focus on myself and push myself in new ways. 

While I can't predict how the next few weeks will go with the changes that are on the horizon. I can remind myself to take each day as it comes and remind myself that any progress forward is progress. It is both exciting and nerve-wrecking to start this new chapter of motherhood, but I am excited for the growth it will bring Michael and me along the way.

If you have read this far, thank you! I hope everyone learning to adapt to the challenges of back to school finds their balance soon.