The Reality of Gentle Parenting

If you engage with "Mom content" or "Parenting content" on social media, it’s hard to miss the constant presence of gentle parenting discussions. I firmly believe in gentle parenting, more formally known as authoritative parenting. However, I frequently encounter challenges in effectively applying this approach.

With an almost four-year-old, there are still a lot of lessons in boundaries and regulating emotions. While I know everything my son is doing is developmentally appropriate, lately I am overwhelmed teaching him how to regulate his emotions. When I sit and reflect, I know teaching him these skills feels so overwhelming because I am still learning myself. It seems crazy to say as a mother that I still have to learn how to regulate my emotions. I think I have it all figured out, life throws me a lesson on how I don't. Maybe the truth is we never 100% learn how to regulate our emotions because there are always new emotions in life. 
Since becoming a mother, I have experienced at times an unhealthy surge of anxiety. I worry about my son's safety daily, especially with him in school. I worry about if I am handling situations right with him. I worry about making sure he is eating a healthy balance of protein, carbohydrates, fruits, and everything else. My point is I worry about him a lot. Though I worry a lot, I know I have healthy control of it now and don't let myself spiral when I start questioning things. 

Lately, I do find my anxiety impacting how I handle emotional events with my son. Bigger meltdowns make me feel like I am back to where we were a few years ago with a colic baby. While I know we are not in that same phase, I often feel my body is convinced otherwise. During these moments I have to try so hard to control my emotions to prevent the moment from becoming even more chaotic. However, every once in a while I lose my patience and briefly yell. Immediately, I am filled with regret and guilt. I don't want to be the parent who yells and loses my patience. 9 times out of 10 I keep my cool, every once in a while I am reminded I am human, and no matter how hard I try sometimes it happens. 

Once the moment has passed, I acknowledge my mistakes with my son. Do I always think he understands why I am saying sorry? No, but I believe it is establishing a foundation for him to see mom can apologize when she does something wrong. 
Social media is quick to say how you should parent, and there are many great points of view on that. However, not everyone wants to talk about the reality that sometimes you're going to mess up. Does that make you a bad parent? I don't think it does, I believe it helps everyone including your children and spouse see that sometimes we make mistakes. Every day I remind myself to give my husband, my son, and myself grace along with those around me. Although, no matter how much I say it, I don't find it easy to give myself grace. 

I know there is no such thing as a perfect parent, and I know I will make many mistakes along the journey of motherhood. Even in life, I find myself being able to reflect and see where I didn't handle something to the best of my ability. I try to remember that feeling of guilt or disappointment and use it as a tool for next time. So why do I find it ten times harder to do that as a parent? Is it because I am afraid of not being good enough as a mother? To an extent, I believe so. The hard truth is I can either let my fears motivate me to be the opposite or let them destroy me and hinder my strengths. 

While I try my best to always show how to and attempt to regulate my emotions for my son. I know on a bad day or a bad moment I won't always handle things the correctly. Instead of letting it sink into my head and create an unhealthy cycle of behaviors, I let it teach me and my son a lesson. I let it teach a lesson of apologizing, accountability, and grace.
If you struggle with your imperfect moments of motherhood or fatherhood, I hope you give yourself grace. Regardless of how many books, podcasts, or accounts you follow, you will still have moments that won't feel like your best. The best thing you can do for yourself and those around you is to own it. Mistakes happen in life, we all make them and there is no such person as a perfect person. Don't let the internet fool you into thinking otherwise. Anyone can look like the ideal parent online when you only share picture-perfect moments. So let your little one see you making mistakes, they are also human and have to learn at some point that we all do it. 

If you have read this far, thank you! I am truly thankful for those who have taken the time to read my post and allow me to share my real raw feelings about the reality of motherhood. I hope you can give yourself and those around you grace every day especially, the days when we need it most.