Over the last few weeks, I have had a nagging sensation of not being a "perfect mother". An unrealistic expectation. While I know there is no such thing as a perfect mother. I can't shake the unrealistic expectations I have for myself. 

Lately, I often caution myself not to rush moments with my son. Oftentimes, I am unintentionally rushing something that doesn't need to be rushed at that moment. If I take the time to reflect I can be honest with myself and see that I am simply letting anxiety impact moments. Is it the end of the world that my son is in no rush to go to the store with me? No, and the reality is we could get out the door successfully a few minutes later without fuss.

I can reflect on my day and acknowledge parts where I rushed things for no reason outside of my feelings and things needing to be done promptly. For example, we made homemade muffins today. During the moment we had so much fun mixing ingredients and explaining our next steps. When it came time to stir everything together, Michael was eager to do so. He was having fun seeing everything mix, so much fun he kept stirring the batter for several minutes. Once everything was mixed, I kept feeling overwhelmed that we had to pour the batter and bake the muffins immediately. I had no idea why this felt so urgent, we had nowhere to go, and we were making them just for fun, but I could feel myself wanting to rush the moment. In hindsight, I did start to rush him towards the end, but I quickly realized it and tried to adjust my approach.

Guilt has frequently become a reoccurring feeling as I replay my day in the evening. One thing that is always true within me is reflecting on where I need growth, and this is exactly where I need it in this phase of being a mother. 
Since becoming a mother, I have learned to appreciate my weaknesses. It allows me to have room for growth. As a mother, I would never want my son to stop learning and bettering himself. Why? There is always room for growth regardless of what you know and think you may know in life. 

Ever since my son was born, I have struggled with the reality of not being a perfect mother. If you think about it, there is no reality with perfect mothers. The truth is that it's not a bad thing. I am surrounded by so many amazing mothers. All of whom I have learned something from.

Does my unrealistic standard for myself interrupt peaceful moments with my son? Yes, and it's a challenge often for me. However, I can sit and reflect on the challenges I have learned from and how those have shaped me into a better mother. With that mindset, I know that struggling with not rushing right now will teach me the patience I need.

If you are struggling with a chapter in motherhood right now, I hope you remember to give yourself grace. While it is easier said than done, I do believe there are always blessings that follow lessons. Each milestone and phase builds a stepping stone for our path in parenting. I can't say with confidence I always know what I am doing when it comes to being a mother. However, I can always say with confidence, that I am trying to be the best mother I can be.
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f you have read this far, thank you! Whatever phase of parenting you are in, I hope you can acknowledge all of your strengths and let your weaknesses help build you instead of defeating you.